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For Every Action
sathor
I often find myself wondering if Newton's Third Law applies in many more ways than merely just the physical.

When I was a testosterone poisoned teenager, I often swung wildly between degrees of bliss and long periods of depression. As I aged, that effect has been heavily blunted - I still experience it, but not nearly to the same level, and not nearly as often. I am smooth sailing at most times.

However, recently - the past month or so - I've noticed that any sort of strong creative inspiration that I act on (ones that, inevitably, include high degrees of flow) tends to lead to the exact opposite at its completion. All three of my most recent compositions have put me in the dumps, for no particular reason I can identify - all of the works are much higher quality than what I'm used to (though I did recently go back and look over Until Never and most of it is, honestly, a lot higher quality than I felt it was at completion.) In fact, they might be some of my best works yet, and unlike usual, I don't *want* to really change them. They may not be perfect (nothing in this world is, unless we're lying to ourselves) but they're exactly what they need to be.

I don't know if I have spontaneously developed this relationship with my creative work, or if there has always been a kind of up and down relationship with it I never noticed before. It's not predictable in the same sense as my bouts in youth - normally the 'dumps' end the moment I push through a tough strength training section and get my mind focused elsewhere - but they're still there, in the background noise, until enough time as passed, or I start another inspired composition.

I wonder - do the highs that the writing process some of these songs produce in me (and the flow) result in a sort of violent feedback on my psychological-emotional systems? I mean, I'm familiar enough with hangovers or other drug induced backlashes, but it doesn't seem unreasonable to draw a parallel here. One wonders the sort and amount of neurotransmitters that get released when I'm working on this extremely emotional music, and if there isn't a burnout period afterwords.